


An Ace Up One's Sleeve

by notimmortal



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Ace!Jared, Asexuality, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Humor as a coping mechanism, Light Angst, Light Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slight internalized acephobia, That's right world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 04:16:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13732959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notimmortal/pseuds/notimmortal
Summary: Jared "Kinky!" Kleinman had a secret.He was asexual.How was he going to tell his boyfriends?





	An Ace Up One's Sleeve

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello!
> 
> I had this idea a few weeks ago and decided to run with it. I really like the idea of Jared using innuendo but actually being ace because I use a lot of innuendo but am ace and people don't always believe me when I say that. Jared was just the perfect character to use for this slight bit of self-projection.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

There’s no one who can make inappropriate innuendos quite like Jared Kleinman. Every other sentence that came out of his mouth had some reference to sex or poorly timed jab about virginity. That being said, Jared had a secret.

 

Jared “Kinky!” Kleinman was asexual.

 

He had never told anybody, he could barely admit it to himself for years. He knew he wasn’t sex repulsed, nor was he sex positive. He just didn’t care about it. Masturbation never bothered him, though it was mostly done to keep his body healthy. He didn’t mind his own hands on his person in that way, but never liked the thought of another person touching him like that or having to be on the giving or receiving end of sex. But nobody would expect that from Jared. No one would expect that the guy who could make anything about sex to have a lack of sexual attraction. Especially not Jared’s two boyfriends.

 

Jared had started dating Evan Hansen at the start of their senior year of high school. After Evan’s suicide attempt, Jared had done everything in his power to make sure that the boy he loved never felt alone again. They had never talked about sex, Jared because he didn’t want it and Evan because he was too emotionally distraught to do so, so the asexuality bit never came up. 

 

The two of them had met Connor Murphy second semester of their freshman year of college. Evan and Connor had hit it off almost instantaneously, sparking jealousy in Jared. However, after a bit of patience and a bit of time, Jared and Connor were in the same place that Evan and Connor were.

 

Nobody in the trio really remembers how they began the romantic aspect of the relationship, all they knew is that it was the three of them now and that was good. 

 

And it was good, even if Jared wasn’t sexually attracted to his partners. Having two boyfriends meant twice the cuddles, twice the affection, twice the love of a normal relationship. There was always a shoulder to cry on when someone needed it, always a support system that felt more secure for the person in distress, always a reason to say “I love you” more than once.

 

Things started going bad when Connor and Evan started wanting sex. 

 

The three had been dating for awhile now, almost entering their final year of college. Connor was the one who brought it up, not demanding or anything of the sorts, just curious as to how it would work.

 

“I mean, would it be the three of us each time? What if one of us wasn’t feeling it one night but the other two were? Would we say no go at all for sex if it wasn’t the three of us?” Connor had asked over dinner one night. “I’m not saying we have to do anything right now, obviously, but we’ve been together for a few months now and have been friends for even longer than that, so I feel like sex will probably be on the table soon.”

 

“You want us to have sex on the table?” Jared asked with a smirk, knowing full well what Connor meant. This was the conversation Jared had been dreading since the relationship started, and the only way Jared knew how to deflect was with innuendo.

 

Connor shot him a look. “Come on, Jare, be serious please. This is an important conversation to have.”

 

“I agree,” Evan said softly, eyes locked on the table. “I mean, I’m not really ready for sex right now? But I think we should have a plan in place for when we do have sex. Communication is key, right? So by talking about it now, we can avoid any extra awkwardness later.”

 

Jared shrank back in his seat, trying to calm himself. “Right. Well, I, for one, am also not really ready for sex,” Jared said, fighting desperately not to add ‘and I probably never will be’ to that sentence. “But I don’t think that it always has to be the three of us. I think if two of us are really feeling it and one of us isn’t, it shouldn’t stop the others. I mean, there’s no reason to shut down the whole circuit just because one branch is down, right?”

 

Connor nodded. “I think you’re right, Jared. What you said makes a lot of sense. And you’re right too, Ev. Communication is key. If there’s something any of us aren’t comfortable with or really want to try, we just have to talk it through.”

 

The sex conversation ended after that, much to Jared’s delight. The trio instead turned to discussing their classes and the movie they wanted to see that weekend. Everything felt normal again.

 

It was only about a month later that sex got reinstated as a topic. 

 

Evan was ready, Connor was ready, and Jared was fighting himself hard to be ready. He didn’t want to miss their first time, even if he wasn’t sure about going through with it. It was important to his partners that they have their first time together, and Jared would do anything to make them happy.

 

Their first time was boring for Jared. He was able to get it up after some stimulation, but he didn’t really feel anything about the experience. It was pleasurable, because sex is designed to be, but Jared didn’t feel the need to do it again.

 

Connor and Evan did, however.

 

They didn’t do it often, but when they did Jared did his best to sit out. “I’m not really feeling it,” he would say. Or “I’ve got to finish this assignment,” or “My mom wants me to call tonight, raincheck?” It turns out that the only positive of Jared’s asexuality in this relationship was how happy his mother was with him keeping in touch.

 

Despite his lack of sexual attraction and desire to engage in these activities with his boyfriends, Jared couldn’t help but feel like he was missing out somehow.  There was a level of intimacy that Jared wasn’t getting because he didn’t engage in sex unless he really had to. It started to feel like he was drifting away from his partners because he didn’t want sex. There were days where he felt like he shouldn’t even be with the other boys, feeling like he was intruding on an actual relationship. He didn’t deserve to be with them if he couldn’t do what they wanted him to do.

 

It was Evan, surprisingly, who brought it up in the end. The two of them were watching a movie while waiting for Connor to get back from class when Evan blurted out, “I, um, I noticed that you don’t really like… You don’t really like having sex with me and Connor. Or, at least, you seem to avoid it. And Connor noticed too. I guess… We’re both just kind of worried, you know? Worried that you’re pulling away from us or… or that you… that you don’t want us?”

 

Jared knew the last bit wasn’t meant to be a question, but it sounded like one as it fell from Evan’s anxious mouth. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Evan, knowing deep down that this would be the end of his relationship with the boy. It would be the end of his relationship with Connor too. Tears pricked at Jared’s eyes, fighting their way out and falling down his cheeks. He could hear Evan gasp, feel Evan grab his hands, but Jared couldn’t fight off the cold numbness that had settled over him. 

 

“Jared?” Evan asked, squeezing his hand. “Jared, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I know, deep down, that you do want us and that you didn’t want to hurt us but, Jared, I… Please, tell me what’s wrong, how can I help?”

 

“Ev, I-” Jared was cut off by the door opening.

 

“You fuckers will not BELIEVE what my professor said during-” Connor walked into their apartment, quickly noticing his boyfriends position on the couch. “Hey what’s wrong? Why is Jared crying?”

 

“I, um, I had asked him… about the sex thing?” Evan said, voice shaking. “I know I was supposed to wait for you, I just got nervous about it and blurted it out. I’m sorry. But then Jared started crying and…”

 

Connor knelt down in front of Jared, grabbing the hand that Evan wasn’t holding. “Hey, Jare, what’s wrong?”

 

Jared shook his head. “I can’t tell you. You’ll leave. Evan will leave. Please don’t leave me.”

 

“We’re not gonna leave you, baby, I promise. Just tell us what’s wrong.”

 

Jared shook his head again, causing Evan to squeeze his hand. “You can tell us anything, Jared. Really. I’m sorry for bringing this up, but clearly something’s wrong and… Communication is key, remember? So tell us what’s wrong so we can fix it, together, like we always do.”

 

Between Evan’s words and Connor’s pleading eyes, Jared felt his resolve crack. There was silence for a moment, before Jared closed his eyes and started to speak. “I’m… I’m asexual. And I know it might not seem like it because I make a lot of sex jokes and talk about sex a lot, but I just… I don’t really crave it? I don’t… I don’t want it. I don’t mind it, and I like feeling close to both of you, but I just… Given the option, I’d rather not, you know? And… You both like sex. You’re both normal people who enjoy sex and want to have sex with your boyfriends, because why wouldn’t you? That’s a thing normal people in relationships want. But I… I’m not normal, I don’t want that and I don’t…. I don’t deserve to be with you guys down because I’m just dragging you down with my inability to put out. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

 

Once Jared was done, it felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. He was still crying, harder than he had been before, and it was getting harder and harder for him to breathe. He felt the hands that had been holding his this entire time pull away, the contact that had been keeping him grounded ripped away from him. This was it, and he knew that.

 

But then, there were arms around him on either side. Jared’s eyes shot open to see Evan on his left and Connor on his right, both of them holding onto Jared for dear life. Evan was crying openly and Jared could see some tears in Connor’s eyes too. 

 

“Jared, I’m so sorry,” Evan said, squeezing him a bit tighter. “I didn’t notice, I should’ve noticed, I’m sorry. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting sex. You’re not abnormal for not wanting sex, don’t talk like that. You are valid and you are loved and we should’ve noticed I’m so sorry.”

 

“No, Ev, it’s not your fault-”

 

“We should’ve noticed,” Connor said, cutting him off. “The signs were there. You always seemed kind of disengaged during sex and we let, I let, insecurity cloud reason. I thought that we weren’t good enough for you. I should’ve realized that it just wasn’t something you wanted. And Evan’s right, there’s nothing wrong or abnormal about that, don’t say shit like that.”

 

Before Jared could even open his mouth, Evan was speaking again. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, Jared. And if you’re not comfortable staying with us, that’s fine,” All of the air that had made its way back into Jared lungs left him as if he had been hit. He wanted to say something, but Evan was still speaking. “I just… We need you, Jared. I need you. I’m sorry that we didn’t notice and I’m sorry that you felt like you had to pull away, don’t give me that look we all know you were pulling away. But… If you’ll stay with us? We’ll make sure you never feel like that again.”

 

Connor nodded, “We love you so damn much, Jared Kleinman. Please, say you’ll stay.”

 

“Are you sure you still want me?” Jared asked, voice small. “I… I can’t guarantee that I’ll have sex with you guys again. I… Sex doesn’t bother me, I just don’t want it. Are you sure you’re okay with that?”

 

“I love you more than I love having sex with you, Jared,” Connor said, planting a kiss on his forehead. “If you can’t have sex with us, it’s fine. But I don’t want to lose you over this.”

 

“I don’t want to lose you, either,” Evan said, running his hand through Jared’s hair. “I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too, both of you. Of course I’ll stay. I never wanted to leave in the first place, I was just worried that you wouldn’t want me.”

 

“We’ll always want you,” Evan said. Connor hummed in agreement. “No matter what.”

 

The three of them spent the rest of their evening cuddling and talking about boundaries again. Jared had never felt more loved. Everything was going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated but never required.  
> If you liked this you can check out my other works or come bother me on tumblr (ireallyneedabetterusername) and leave me some prompts! All my ships are in my description.


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